Most of us live a life filled with pain and suffering. There is an upside to this – change often comes knocking at our door. It’s not easy to let it in, so lets get busy and do something about it.
Do we have a purpose in life? What is the purpose of our life? This one is a no-brainer.
When it comes to socks, changing them is easy. What we do is not something that comes out of a draw.
As a counselor and a person, I remember times when the cry for change was booming. But, out of fear, convenience, or a lack of insight, the call for change was ignored.
This cannot happen.
What are the stages in change?
Before we begin our “10 Things”, let’s first discuss the stages of change. Then we will move onto ambivalence.
The transtheoretical (TTM), developed by Carlo DiClemente and James O. Prochaska, was first introduced in the early 1970s. This model is often called the “stages” of change.
You are…
- Precontemplation: There is no intention to act in the near future. It is possible that awareness of the problem does not exist.
- Contemplation: The problem is recognized and the thinking process to solve it begins.
- Preparation: Making final adjustments and planning to act. There is still ambivalence, so convincing people may be necessary.
- Action: It’s on. Changes in behavior and environment are happening. This is the stage where you will need to invest most of your time and energy.
- Maintenance: Relapses are inevitable without a strong commitment and reinforcement to change.
- Relapse: Self-explanatory. It specifically applies to those who successfully ceased behaviors, such as substance/pornography abuse, gambling, etc.
It’s important to know that even the most successful “changers”, may go through each stage three or four times.
What does ambivalence mean?
Ambivalence is a major deterrent to change.
What is it exactly? What is it? For more information, you can read the Chipur article Escape from ambivalence with motivational interviews.
10 Things to Think About When Change Knocks at the Door
Let’s get to eating now that the table is set: 10 things you should consider when the change knocks at your door…
- What is the issue that suggests a change? If we don’t understand why change has come knocking at our door, then it’s impossible to consider its possibility.
- What stage are we at? Do we know what these stages are? How can we plan our next steps and know what to expect, if we do not know where we stand in the progression of events?
- Calculate the ambivalence. Why is there contradiction if it’s high? We must figure it out, and make the necessary adjustments.
- Do we have a purpose in life? What is the purpose of our life? This is not a blank question. Find out more about Chipur A little meaning goes a very long way.
- Consult a second (or a third) person who is qualified, trustworthy, and can provide you with support, encouragement, and monitoring. Spouse, partner, friend, counselor, clergyperson?
- Write a document that starts with the issue you’re trying to resolve and then list all the possible changes, even if the suggestions don’t seem to make any sense or if we aren’t sure how they can be implemented.
- The document can be left overnight to allow for any changes or additions. I suggest limiting the number of final decisions to three. This will help you avoid feeling overwhelmed.
- Visualize the possibilities and imagine them in action. How do they fit? How do they look? How will they be implemented They will they solve the problem? Are they maintainable? Decide on the final action and a date.
- We are now on our way. We chose to do this, so there are no excuses.
- Start using maintenance techniques and strategies immediately.
It’s not easy, but do we want to give up our suffering and pain for ourselves and others?
What stage have we just reviewed?
Do not fear the Wolf
Pain and suffering are the precursors to change and relief. Do you agree that this is a positive perspective? It’s not easy. Even though we may know that it is desperately needed, the prospect can be frightening.
Change is knocking on your door. Answer it by holding our “10 Things” in your hands.